Friday, October 26, 2012

One day at a time

The dreaded day has come and gone, and here we are, still going. Finding the right words and doing the right things in those final moments wasn't possible, and with some good advice from a friend, we decided to set our expectations low.

Our last day together was rough--Adelyn seemed to know something was coming, and was being extremely clingy and fussy and throwing tantrums. I was physically feeling pretty icky with pregnancy aches and pains, contractions, and my gall bladder being mean to me. We spent the day together doing little things--early voting, cleaning, packing the last few things Nathan would take in his bag--but nothing big and spectacular. By bedtime, I knew I was going to burst from the stress and emotion of it all, so I let it all pour out on my sweet, strong husband who held me and comforted me and laughed at me when I had cried myself into a sniffly/snorty mess. We finally let the day end and gave in to sleep...for a little while.

Morning came too soon, and we both were awake and restless long before we needed to be out of bed. We  got some good time just snuggling and sharing the weight of the moment together without words, and finally got up when we couldn't stay any longer. Adelyn was surprised and amused to be gotten out of bed at a silly hour and wrapped in a blanket in her pjs for a car ride. I drove slower than the speed limit (to Nathan's dismay) all the way to the armory, dreading having to stop the car. Once I did, we all got out for a brief goodbye together, and then Nathan put Adelyn back in her seat and came back for one last hug and kiss and encouragement for me. He headed inside and Adelyn and I began our drive home, crying together the whole way back.

She and I ate breakfast and snuggled and prayed for Daddy's safe trip together, and then took a very much needed long nap. The rest of the day was filled with encouraging phone calls, facebook messages, cookies on my doorstep and brought over by sweet friends...etc. Everyone made it impossible to feel like I was beginning this road alone, and I felt a definite peace and comfort in spite of the sadness.

Yesterday was a rough day of life with a toddler...one of those days when you count down the hours and minutes until Daddy comes home from work and you can pour it all out on him and let him be a second pair of hands. Knowing that wasn't coming at the end of the day made it a little harder to get through the last few hours before Adelyn's bedtime, but once she was asleep and the house was cleaned up and I could finally sit, laughing about it was all I could do. When your day contains vomit in the crib and poop in the tub and everything in between, you just have to throw up your hands and pray for the grace to start again tomorrow. Which is where we are today. 

Nathan was able to call me last night and let me know that he had arrived safely and is already getting thrown head first into busy, long days of work. It feels a little odd to talk and feel the distance and the time ahead of us, but already I just want to talk to him for hours and tell him everything. 

Overall, we are doing well. We are staying busy, feeling encouraged by many, and are carrying on with life one day at a time. Today is a big day--I am 34 weeks pregnant! That's a big milestone where most babies born have little to no trouble with breathing, are able to tolerate feedings by mouth, and can regulate their body temperature--meaning little to no NICU time. It also means if my water broke today, I would deliver--no bedrest and waiting. I definitely feel like we have reached the home stretch and very soon we will be meeting this little girl.

She is still breech, and it's at the point where she still could turn at any point on her own, but it is getting less and less likely. I am spending much of my time in ridiculous positions and crawling around on hands and knees and putting ice packs on the part of my belly where her head is...all in hopes that she'll flip. If she doesn't by two weeks from now, my doctors will give me the option of having a procedure to manually turn her from outside of my belly. Ouch.

Next week, they will also be checking my platelet level again to see if it has gone up or down. If it is lower than before, I may start a round of steroids to try to boost it. If it has gone up, probably I will be fine to have an epidural or spinal block if needed...so pray for a good increase!

While I wait for new baby girl, this big girl beside me is begging to be potty-trained lately and I am thinking it may be a now or never (not really never, but not for a while) kind of deal...so we might just be going out to find her some big girl underwear and some rewards so that we can get started soon. Yikes. Pray for that one too :)

Here are the belly shots for this week:
Still lopsided!


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